My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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