It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
