bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
