i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
