he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
