I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Randomize