First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
