Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
