ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
