yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
