Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize