How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
