this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
