dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
