Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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