sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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