Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
