Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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