My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
