Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
