Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
