had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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