This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
