Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
