FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
