i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
