My balls are so social today.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
