wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
