I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
