it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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