my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize