Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
