She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
