Your dad touched me again.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You're a waste of cheezeits
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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