I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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