I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
