their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
