CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
