If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
