I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
