Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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