when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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