She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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