It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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