the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
