he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
