Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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