she's into porn, im staying here tonight
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
