moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up under a house in Key West
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