oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
