Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
