In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
