so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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