His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
