Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
