I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
