i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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