he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
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