I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have fence marks all over my body
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
