Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
