So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
