Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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