I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
