I only kidnapped one of them. chill
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
