I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
