girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
