Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
