What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize