Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
