After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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