thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
