Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
