Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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