I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sarcasm needs its own font
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
