I heard we made out
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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