it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
