This is not my ceiling
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
