Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I want to fling myself into the sun
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
